Something I really need to learn.
I feel like I stress and burn myself out when I overwork myself. But I feel useless if I don’t inundate myself with a million different things. Such a stupid problem to have.
Apart from my part-time public polling job I drag myself into every afternoon at 4pm, just because I need to generate some sort of income to support my compulsive coffee addiction, I am also involved with policy development at the SLC Mayor’s office, running for National Democratic Delegate, studying for the LSAT, applying for an ambassador program with the Philippine Embassy and helping out with MG Peter Cooke’s campaign for Governor. I might also potentially get involved with Jay Seemiller’s campaign for U.S. House, just because they offered me some extra money I could use.
I don’t know if I’m overwhelmed, but I feel myself just sitting and staring into blank space in deep thought lately. It’s such a waste of time when I clearly have things I could be doing. So what do I do about it? I do what I feel will make the best use of my time – I write about it.
I’m so weird.
The things I wish I had more time for include exercising for more than the 45 minutes I can squish into my schedule per day, and I wish I had more time to actually make my lunch at home so I could eat healthier. I wish I could volunteer with Obama for America because I feel I could potentially meet some really cool people that way. I wish I could take an LSAT prep course, but they’re just so expensive and to take a course would cut into work – which means no money to pay for the course in the first place. And of course, I wish I could see my friends more. I’m lucky if I even see Candice or Aly once per week. I see Estée probably once per month. And I don’t see anyone else. I wish I had more time to customize this blog, but I just don’t have the time, so I have to leave it with its default boringness. And I especially wish I even had more time to actually do my hair. I don’t remember the last time I actually did it.
I wish, I wish, I wish!
I feel like a big reason I try to take on so many different projects is because I keep comparing myself to others who are graduated. Some people were able to get really good jobs working for members of Congress, moving to other parts of the country for Teach for America programs, or moving out of the country to teach English and some are working in other agencies like the Department of Labor. But some people are just waiting tables or working at ski resorts and are just as happy. And I envy those people so much. Why can’t I just be happy with where I am? I have serious issues. If what I’m doing isn’t meaningful to “society,” then it’s not meaningful to me. It’s really not a good thing. I need to get over myself. I wish I could just be happy.
Well… I guess back to work I go. It’s always my decision to bite off more than I can chew, but I guess I’m just going by the mindset that’s driven me and gottem me through the past few months – good things come to those who hustle.